Post only windows jokes here or pictures etc relating to funny windows things here thanx.

I will start off with some top $ecret windows code found at a top $ecret micro$oft facility :

/* TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code Project: Chicago(tm) Projected release-date: Summer 1994, Spring 1995 */

#include <stdio.h>

#include <dos.h>

#include <conio.h>

#include "win31.h"

#include "evenmore.h"

#include "oldstuff.h"

#include "billrulz.h"

/* Reference: Internal memo #99281-95 



from: William H. Gates III 

to: Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project

William H. Gates III wrote: "I have seriouu doubts about the 'EASY' installation-definition.

It might prevent customers to think that they actually bought something _good_. Therefore I want the

installation-definition to be 'HARD'. Carry on, God Bill " */



#define INSTALL = HARD 

void main(){ while(!CRASHED)

	{ display_copyright_message(); 

 display_bill_rules_message(); 

 do_nothing_loop(); 

 if(first_time_installation) 

 	{ make_50_megabyte_swapfile();

 	do_nothing_loop();

 	totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();

 	search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();

 	hang_system();

 	}

 	write_something(anything);

 	display_copyright_message();

 	do_nothing_loop();

 	do_some_stuff();

 	if(still_not_crashed) 

  { display_copyright_message(); 

  	do_nothing_loop(); 

  	basically_run_windows_3.1();

  	do_nothing_loop(); 

  	do_nothing_loop(); 

  	} 

  	} 

/* Reference: Internal memo #99683-95 

from: Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project 

to: William H. Gates III

Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project wrote: "Dear Sir, Since we have found that this last piece of code within the 

'if'-statement will never execute, we descided NOT to include it in the final code. This way we will save atleast another

5 megabytes of consumer-diskspace! Thank you for listening to us, the executive managers of the Chicago(tm)-project " */



  	/* if(still_not_crashed) { write_cheer(); finished(); } */



  	create_general_protection_fault(); }

Three microcrap, I mean micro$oft employees, a Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

Still bored....

New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans

 Microsoft's slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with any Windows.



1. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 give you the whole house.



2. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.



3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.



4. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.



5. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.



6. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.



7. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.



8. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.



9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.



10. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better



11. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.



12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!



13. OS/2. Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.



14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!



15. How do you want to crash today?

[Chaos]

KP, go get a hot dog or something...

[LanEvo]

Windows 98 Error Codes Reference

Recently the following undocumented Windows 98 error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet:

WinErr: 001
Windows loaded - System in danger

WinErr: 002
No Error - Yet

WinErr: 003
Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file

WinErr: 004
Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong

WinErr: 005
Multitasking attempted - System confused

WinErr: 006
Malicious error - Desqview found on drive

WinErr: 007
System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware

WinErr: 008
Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments

WinErr: 009
Horrible bug encountered - God only knows what has happened

WinErr: 00A
Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full

WinErr: 00B
Inadequate disk space - Free at least 500MB

WinErr: 00C
Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!

WinErr: 00D
Window closed - Do not look outside

WinErr: 00E
Window open - Do not look inside

WinErr: 00F
Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened

WinErr: 010
Reserved for future mistakes by our developers

WinErr: 013
Unexpected error - Huh ?

WinErr: 014
Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.

WinErr: 018
Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old Windows license is not valid anymore.

WinErr: 019
User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!

WinErr: 01A
Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software... Yet again.

WinErr: 01B
Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.

WinErr: 01C
Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.

WinErr: 01D
System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.

WinErr: 01E
Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

WinErr: 01F
Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.

WinErr: 020
Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.

WinErr: 042
Virus error - A virus has been activated in a DOS session. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.

WinErr: 079
Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

WinErr: 103
Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.

WinErr: 678
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

WinErr: 683
Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.

WinErr: 815
Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 bytes available.

WinErr: 844
Competing Product - Remove all competing products and install Microsoft equivalents.

WinErr: 910
Personal Data Communicate Difficulties - Could not transmit social insurance number and or tax details back to Microsoft headquarters for further analysis.

WinErr: 960
Minimal Effort - User has only reinstalled Internet Explorer four times while trying to get it operational, please reinstall again.

WinErr: 2000
You have not downloaded your daily Y2K and security glitch patch.

[Sniper_Kitty]

I heard that Windows Vista was pirated 2 hours after his release haha.