Dear Friends:

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year
and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me
to leave under your tree at Christmas.

I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had
a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from
fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up
the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing
weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling
birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have
me up to my sled runners in bird shit.

On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer
are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who
can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.

Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the
things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to the mall
before everything is gone.

Sincerely,
Santa Claus

lol

lmao

lol, i was expecting a latter >_<