This is a discussion on Jokes! within the Fun Times forums, part of the KP's Network Forum category; A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat ...
A boy with no arms asks mommy to give her a cookie,
Mom replies:
-U got ur arms get it urself.
-But Mommy , I don't have arms.
Mom after a moment:
-Well no arms , no cookie.
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn
to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to
instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the
basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet,
she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so
beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was
to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and
was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about
half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting
to get cold. I can bar
A guy and blond were having a drink together in a bar.
The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"
"What's that mean?" asks the blond.
"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."
"Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"
The blond says, "That's French toast."
Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over.NO SUPPORT VIA PM.
One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying,"Fuck this," "Fuck that."
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest."
Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Well tell him to get the fuck out and push!!!"
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''
