1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in
love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.









2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,

"I'll serve you, but

don't start anything."







3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.







4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.







5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:



"A beer

please, and one for the road."







6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

"Does this taste funny to you?"







7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.

"



"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it common?"

Well, "It's Not Unusual."







8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to

Dolly,

"I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.







9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.







10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.







11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

find any.







12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"







13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.







14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.







15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and

says "Dam!"







16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the

craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that

you can't have your kayak and heat it too.







17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were

standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.



After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them

to disperse.

"But why," they asked, as they moved off.

"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting

in an open foyer."







18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt

and is named "Ahmal."

The other goes to a family in Spain;

they name him "Juan."

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes


she also had a picture

of Ahmal. Her husband responds,

"They're twins!

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."







19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate

very little,

which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from

bad breath.

This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.







20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to

his friends,

with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.





No pun in ten did.

lmao, some of them are just hilarious