|
February 29th, 2008
roflmao^^^
Here's a few:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. 'Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
A nice poem I found in a book:
I will tell you a tale that is certain to please,
Of a great farting contest at Shitham on Pease,
When all the great arses paraded the fields,
To take part in a contest for various shields.
Some cocked up their arses to fart up the scale,
To strive for a cup and a barrel of ale.
And those whose arses were biggest and strongest,
Took part in the contest for loudest and longest.
This pleasant event had drawn a great crowd,
And the betting was even on Mrs McLoud.
It was said in the papers, the sporting edition,
That this lady's arse was in perfect condition.
Now old Mrs Potluck was backed for a place,
For she had often been placed in the deepest disgrace,
Having farted in church and drowned the organ,
And gassed the old verger, Marmaduke Morgan.
With a clump of red hairs and a wart on each side,
She cocked it up well with greatest of pride.
She fancied her chance of winning with ease,
Having trained on a diet of cabbage and peas.
The vicar arrived and ascended the stand,
And proceeded to tell this remarkable band,
That the contest was on as was shown on the bills,
And the use was taboo of injections and pills.
The contestants lined up at the signal to start,
And winning the toss Mrs Jones took first fart.
The crowd were astonished in silence and wonder,
And the BBC issued a warning of thunder.
Next Mrs Black who advanced to the front,
And started by doing a wonderful stunt.
With parted cheeks and tightly clenched hands,
She blew the roof off the sixpenny stands.
Old Mrs Potluck thought nothing of this,
She'd had some weak tea and was all wind and piss.
With hands on her hips and legs stretched out wide,
She unluckily shit and was disqualified.
Next Mrs Bugle who farted alone,
And the crowd were amazed at the sweetness of her tone.
The judges agreed without bias of pause,
First prize Mrs Bugle, now pull up your drawers.
She advanced to the rostrum with maidenly gait,
To recieve from the vicar a set of gold plate.
Then she farted to the crowd who had started to sing,
And farted the first verse of 'God Save The King'.
|